Continued Ruminations on American Identity

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My Prius is a vehicle for distance learning. After dropping off and before picking up kids, I have at about two hours to freely explore a full range of topics without concern over appropriateness. I often listen to audiobooks, music with explicit language, podcasts such as This American Life, The Moth, Alt Latino, and All Songs Considered. Two books that I’ve recently listened to on public library-borrowed e-audiobooks relate to different aspects of my own identity: the memoir Fresh off the Boat by Eddie Huang speaks to my upbringing as a second-generation Asian-American, and I can connect to the strong, female voice of Amy Schumer in The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo.

Listening to Eddie Huang narrate his story felt like listening to a neighborhood friend talking about growing up. Like many people I grew up with, he curses emphatically, gets into fights, represents hip-hop culture, and has immigrant parents. Huang’s parents migrated from Taiwan, and his family lived in the D.C. area then moved to Florida. As an East Coaster born to Asian parents, I can relate to the importance of food in his family. Food is what keeps the family together and is its own language through which they can communicate their love and appreciation of one another. His father was a successful restaurant owner, and his mother cooked traditional Taiwanese food. His parents often fought and his mother seemed unhappy, but her meals helped unite the family.

Many of the regular conflicts he experienced also existed in my household. His father was physically and verbally abusive like my father, a style of parenting that was common and accepted in many other immigrant families. And while his father did not give much emotional or moral support, he gave him material things such as a luxury car. Another motif in the immigrant experience is the clash of traditional and American cultures that comes about in humorous and awkward ways. One hilarious part of Huang’s story is when his mother has green bean casserole for the first time. She did not eat American food, and when she ate the casserole from Eddie’s friend’s mom, this is what transpired:

"Oh! Oh! Oh my God! What is this?"

"I told you! Green bean casserole."

"Casser- who?"

"Casserole, Mom. Like when Cantonese people put stuff in clay pots. That's a casserole."

"What's it mean, though?"

"I dunno, it's just casserole."

"We need more! How do we make this casserole?"

"I don't know, I'll call Warren."

Later that day, Warren came over with a huge dish of green bean casserole for my mom. He was so happy she liked it since she was so picky most of the time. For the first time, my mom was eating food from a non-Chinese home and she loved it. Who would have known it would be Mrs. Neilson's green bean casserole?

This incident prompted Huang to dedicate himself to making delicious Thanksgiving meals. He watched cooking shows and learned to brine turkey. Figuring out how to cook American meals is a typical struggle for immigrant families and represents the rich flavors of America’s melting pot. We need to embrace and appreciate the mingling of different cultures in this country.

It’s fascinating to follow Huang on his journeys throughout childhood and adulthood. While he ultimately created his own well-respected food establishment, BaoHaus which serves Taiwanese food in NYC, he experienced many other career paths including hustling on the street selling CD’s and drugs and becoming a corporate lawyer. He describes all the events in his life candidly and unapologetically. While he had many years of being involved in illegal activity and failing in school, Huang had moments of important self-discovery including a trip to Taiwan which helped him connect to his cultural roots. An important part of my young adulthood was going to the Philippines and traveling on my own, speaking broken Tagalog, taking jeepneys, and socializing with people my own age. Visiting lands of our ancestors is an important phase in understanding one’s identity.

Amy Schumer’s personal narrative is comical, well-crafted, and inspiring. It gave me a more nuanced understanding of her celebrity personality and reminded me that every person, famous or not, experiences suffering and loss as well as happiness and success. I was surprised to learn about her family’s struggles. Her father was an alcoholic later diagnosed with MS, and her mother seemed to enter into one unhealthy relationship after another. Schumer also struggled with relationships and was a victim of domestic abuse for many years. She tells her story with such grace and wit and admits her weaknesses yet manages to persevere and succeed in the field of comedy.

Listening to her story, I was inspired by her hustle and courage. She started out struggling to do stand up and ended up selling out large arenas such as Madison Square Garden. I could relate to her love for New York City. She grew up on Long Island then moved to the city as a young woman and has chosen this city as her permanent residence. She went from struggling to pay rent for a tiny apartment to owning her own terrace apartment in Manhattan. I, too, am a native and proud New Yorker. I grew up in Queens and have lived within the five boroughs all my life and love the multicultural and cosmopolitan culture of this city. Another commonality we have is a love of drinking wine and eating.

A characteristic I admire about Schumer is her openness in discussing all things female and sexual. She writes candidly about her romantic relationships including losing her virginity. One hilarious part of the book is when she describes her only one one-night stand:

I’m so sorry to disappoint anyone who thinks I walk around at all times with a margarita in one hand and a dildo in the other. Maybe the misunderstanding comes from the fact that, onstage, I group together all my wildest, worst sexual memories—a grand total of about five experiences over the course of 35 years. When you hear about them back-to-back it probably sounds like my vagina is a revolving door at Macy’s during Christmastime. But I talk about these few misadventures because it’s not that funny or interesting to hear about someone’s healthy, everyday sex life. Imagine me onstage saying, “So last night I got in bed with my boyfriend and we held each other in a supportive, loving way, and then he made sweet love to me.” The crowd would walk out, and I’d walk out with them.

I appreciate how casually and nonchalantly she writes about her sexual experiences and her body, communicating the idea that women should not be ashamed of or reticent about their bodies and relationships. She emphasizes the importance of being honest and open.

Schumer also confronts and shares her experiences of being physically and verbally abused by a man she loved. While her book is not a self-help one, she does empower women to be open and honest about their own relationships and to be strong. She states, “I know my worth. I embrace my power”. This could be a mantra for all women. It reminds us that we need to use our power to create and maintain healthy relationships and to succeed in our pursuits of happiness. And that in order to use our power, we must embrace and love our selves, regardless of our impurities, insecurities, and weaknesses.   

These two texts help break stereotypes and expectations of how certain people behave based on their ethnicity or gender. They offer broader understandings of what it means to be American. No matter where we are from or where we live, our families, values, and actions affect and reflect who we are, and the more we share and listen to each other’s stories, the richer we are.